Last Saturday I attended the funeral of Helen Adams. She was my dear friend ( nanny second), Andrea’s grandmother.
Our grandmothers became friends when they moved in across the hall from each other in a retirement home.
As Andrea and my friendship deepened it was cool to think our grandmothers were doing the same thing. Gossiping, playing , and solving the worlds problems. We would take the kids to visit them and leave the doors open so they could run wild back and forth between the apartments begging for cokes and werthers candy.
I learned a lot about Helen and her life struggles and joys through Andrea during our days together as their bond was strong. She had a tough life and yet overcame many heartbreaking events like losing two of her children and a grandchild when they were young adults. And yet she powered through life with hope and lived to three days shy of her 93 birthday.
At her service one of the scripture readings was
Romans 8: 18-28
24 For we are saved by hope: but hope that is seen is not hope: for what a man seeth, why doth he yet hope for?
25 But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it.
26 Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.
27 And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God.
28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according
I have never been able to recite scriptures much less remember where they are in the Bible but I am always thankful for when they are brought to my attention throughout the day.
The last 4 verses stood out to me the most because it represented the Helen I grew to know through Andrea. And ... are the words I want to be able to live by each day.
I have thought about this kind of hope all week .
I have been trying to spend more time on the website ,with meditation, and focusing on our hope through this journey and where it might lead us.
I went back and read the first post I made a year ago on this website. (Not too much progress in a year 😜)
But the quote that I posted could not have been more of a God wink.
It was by RIchard Rhor.
“We must allow things to be only partly resolved . Without perfect closure or explanation. Christians have not been taught how to live in hope. The ego always wants to settle the dust quickly and have answers right now.
But Paul says in Romans 8:24,
‘In hope we are saved , yet hope is not hope if it’s object is seen’
The virtue of hope deepens and widens our foundation “
Of course I immediately remembered Romans 8 and thought of Helens funeral ( guess it hadn’t been a week yet so it still registered 😜)
And I felt a little nudge from God to focus on the hope for the days coming. This hope that we can’t see. This notion of allowing God to be in control. Surrendering to his plan. And MOSTLY to be at peace that things are only partly resolved. We are living with the fact that Mike is only “uncertainly doing ok “ - words Kate Bowler uses to describe her daily status living with stage 4 cancer. It ain’t easy.
So this morning I opened my journal and was thinking of what I wanted to post. Since we survived a week with all three kids in school 🙏🏼🙌, I have had more time to reflect and pee alone!
I decided to look up Romans 8:24 -28 on my phone and write it down in my journal one more time.
I’m not an every day journaler , I so wish I was. Stephanie , my sister in law , gave me this journal 2 yrs ago and its still got PLENTY of free pages so that should say how routine I am. But lately I have been trying to write down something. Even if it’s one word , moment, picture , whatever to document the day.
At the bottom of each page is a scripture. ( I’m in hopes that will help my learning process😊)
This morning as I was writing down the scripture verse ,Romans 28 overflowed onto the next page so I kept copying it down.
t was when I finished that I looked down and saw my God wink. My reminder that I needed amongst my days of such uncertainty.
The exact words of Romans 8:28 were printed as the verse for that page. It really kinda took my breath away and scared me a little. Or maybe that was Graham coming down at 530 am 🙄
So I felt I wanted to share this hope with you all in hopes that you can find hope in your uncertainty too. Knowing that something more powerful, maybe it’s a different God of love than mine , but I’m becoming more and more to believe it’s probably the same one. But knowing that something more powerful is caring for you when you are living without closure or explanation.When you are suffering.
Mike has finished 3 of 4 chemo shots. His final one will be the next Monday. He has been feeling better considering everything. Living with his uncertain health , gives us plenty of practice with staying close to God and searching for our purpose in him.
A pet scan has been scheduled during the first week of October.
So we move forward trusting Kota.
He and Mike together have taught me many lessons on trusting the journey, on living each day only partly resolved. I text him recently after many many question...” ok I will be patient til the end of September “ 😬 I’m trying 🤷🏾♀️
And so today I am trying to let go of my ego and my need to know answers and explanations and I will
Practice living in a hope that is not seen.
I will keep swimming and wait for waves to calm and the sand to settle on the bottom.
Have a great weekend :)
Sign up here for the Winship 5k October 14th :)