2 post in a week!
I have never been a very patient person. I guess I could say I do have some patience for mundane , everyday small interruptions. Like children and their 24 hour needs 😜
But when it comes to big problems and issues that need to be resolved, my stomach turns to knots and my focus narrows solely on that particular need.
Hints…Test results. Cancer. Illnesses. Tragedies.
I tend to act in a panic state. Outwardly looking some what calm, or just passing out, but inwardly screaming. All of my insides screaming .
Mikes cancer is not in my realm of fixing but yet I still try on many days.
God is teaching me otherwise.
He is teaching me the practice of finding peace in stillness and patience.
It seems contradictory to how you should respond to crisis. And yet I’m believing it to be true more and more each day.
Don’t get me wrong , weak moments still come. Dr Kota can attest to my fear and panic texts sent on days when I feel Mike is is suffering more than one should ever have to suffer.
But each time it proves to be true , a lesson Kota has taught us is that time is the best measure of so many things. A measure of healing and coming to the truth.
It doesn’t make it easier. My heart hurts as we walk through deep valleys , tsunami waves, and turbulent skies.
Yet I do believe that if we follow the journey at hand, allow Gods timing to unfold the truth , we will find the peace that surpasses all understanding.
It happens to me.
But it often takes hind site and reflection to recognize.
I’m trying to walk through each day with love , kindness, and stillness inside.
I’m trying to believe in the story God is writing instead of my own perfect love story.
We are not here for our own good, we walk the earth for what Gods purpose is for us.
The pain seems more manageable when viewed this way.
I just wish Mikes pain was less.
We are going to Auburn this weekend , where our story began.
The five of us on a trip by ourselves , pretty sure that’s never happened.
Either going to be awesome or a complete disaster. 😉
Thank you to sweet friends who gave us tickets to the game and their house for us to stay in.
We are grateful the stars aligned and it is happening.
So I keep trusting the journey.
Keep trusting others.
Being patient and being still.
I’m grateful for the love we are able to share each day.
It maybe painful love but it’s still there.
Im finding it’s easier to love, when I stay present to the moment at hand.
In the present moment, whether painful of joyful, grace and love lives here.
Love is what can still be done , when we feel hopeless.
I can love Mike into whatever type of healing it provides.
The practice of peace and reconciliation is one of the most vital and artistic of human actions.
- Thich Nhat Hanh -
This was the quote on my dailygood.org email today and inspired my post today.
Have a GREAT weekend.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.