FLM Friday- The "shorter version"

February 21, 2020

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him. Psalm 37.7

 

I wanted to send a quick update on Mike, many of you have emailed or text and we are grateful for all the love.  The weeks have seemed particularly hard. Yet I’m learning in a painful way , the longer I am patient with God , the more peace I find. 

 

We are still living in the world of few answers.  The only thing we know for sure is that he is being cared for by the VERY best doctors and nurses. I try and remind myself that numerous times a day as I want to freak out and control this ship. The waves are rough. We trust his doctors , the same way we trust God ( but also in remembering they are human :) 

 

Other than that , we continue to dig deep each day  to keep going and find peace in the unknown. To live in the moment , let go of control , and surrender to the journey. 

 

A couple weeks ago , an incredible pulmonologist at Emory , placed a chest tube on Mike’ right side. This allows us to drain the air surrounding his partially collapsed lung , at home.  

 

 His lungs get temporary (or none  at all ) relief from the draining and his lung is still partially collapsed. His doctor has said the damage the  GVHD did to the lungs has caused these tiny tears that are causing his lung to leak air. To be honest we don’t really understand everything ourselves. 

 

The main thing is , he is struggling to breathe and requiring oxygen all the time now. His lungs have been through much trauma making it hard for them to repair. 

 

   He finished a round of chemo (Inotuzamab - sp?) Wednesday a week ago. 

 

He had an injection of spinal chemo  and a chest ct last Thursday and Friday. 

 

We are waiting patiently ,for his lungs to hopefully heal some  and for the chemo to do it’s job. 

 

He was able to have a week off of appointments this last week and so he had our neighbor/friend/ Pilates angel come help him  breathe and stretch. 

 

We feel like the stronger chemo may have caught up with him because he has been feeling worse the last couple days. He is also left feeling extremely exhausted during the day because his lungs leave him not being able to find a comfortable position to sleep at night. 

 

Life seems hard. 

 

As I woke yesterday ,  a friend was admitted for more chemo after learning of a relapse. He will need a transplant. But because of his ethnicity, he does not have a 10 out of 10 match. 

 

And a little while later on the news , there was a story of another young guy who is in that same boat. 

No match. 

 

And I learned later another young mom of three  story I followed , lost her battle with breast cancer. Who a year ago lost her husband , best friend, and caregiver to a bike accident. 

 

Yes, life is hard. Not just for us. I realize that our story is no different. Yes , we are suffering. But so is the world. 

 

In between the four walls of our home , our self pity can spread like wild fire. 

 

But Mike and I want our story to be more than that. More than just the suffering.  More about what can Good can come from suffering .

We want our children know they can do hard things. 

 

I’m digging really deep to find this grit inside of me. To really listen . To really be still and be present on this journey. To be present in these terribly painful moments . To really hear God. 

 

You all continue to lift us up in one way or another and we are so grateful. Each thing you do leaves us with more hope than you know. King cakes , gummy bears, paintings , cookies , and on and on. 

 

A friend came this past week and dug five big holes in our yard. They wanted to give us five of their fully grown hydrangea plants. Andrea has told her dad how much I loved all of theirs at their house. And so he decided to give us some. ❤️

  

As you know it has rained and skies have been gray for way too long . Long enough for me , someone who never really pays much attention to the weather , to look up to see when the sun will make its next appearance 😳 hopefully today 👏In between rainy moments he found time to plant them. 

 

As Mike and I watched them  plant the hydrangeas this week ,which have been cut back to just what looks like sticks now, I felt God telling us to continue to be patient in this dreary winter , in this storm that feel like it will never end , in these tears that flow like the rain. 

 

Be patient. 

 

  It takes time. But remember  in the waiting , the small acts of kindness and love are keeping us hoping and believing. Thank you. 

 

Because I have seen the sun and know it will come again. 

Because I have seen how beautiful these flowers are and know they will bring color and be full of life one day.

Because I have felt Gods love through friends , even when it feels like he is silent.  I’m reminded he is still with us through you. 

 

We must be patient in the darkness. We must dig deep and live the dark soil of hope. Growing roots to keep us standing. Until the sunshine’s again. 

 

Now to make sure Jake waters the plants and keeps them alive 😜

 

Thank you for loving us through. We are grateful for all the ways you love us. 

 

 

Hold steady when the fires burn, When inner lessons come to learn, And from this path there seems no turn

 Let patience have her perfect workL.S.P.

 

  

Keep swimming , 

Lindsey


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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