Fight Like Mike Monday

Promise it won't be as long as Fridays post.

Week 2. I dropped off the kids at school this morning and all were happy.

Whew.

I was the only one crying after Graham bravely said, "bye Mommy, I love you".

He wasn't running from the building, ripping off his mask, and having to be peeled off my leg almost pulling my shorts down.

He bravely and happily said bye from the side door.

But my tears came anyways.

I kept running, thinking about Mike.

I need him for these moments, I miss him .

I was still a little sad about missing him yesterday.

Our 12th anniversary.

Yesterday actually didn't feel all that sad.

I felt loved by all of our family. A gift.

I let the kids drink out of our wedding toasting glasses at dinner.

They loved it. I don't think we ever used them after our wedding night.

Don't wait until a special occasion to use these things.

We only have today.

While we ate,

Celia asked Alexa to play "Whatever it is", our song.

Sometimes the grief waves come the next day.

But after dropping G,

I decided to keep running.

I tried to out run the grief.

I came home and decided to read a meditation instead of instagram.

I read this blessing

Stay A Blessing for Ascension Day

I know how your mind

rushes ahead

trying to fathom what could follow this. What will you do,

where will you go, how will you live?

You will want to outrun the grief. You will want to keep turning toward

the horizon, watching for what was lost to come back, to return to you and never leave again.

For now hear me when I say all you need to do is to still yourself is to turn toward one another is to stay.

Wait and see what comes to fill the gaping hole in your chest. Wait with your hands open to receive what could never come except to what is empty and hollow.

You cannot know it now, cannot even imagine what lies ahead, but I tell you the day is coming when breath

will fill your lungs as it never has before, and with your own ears you will hear words coming to you new and startling. You will dream dreams and you will see the world ablaze with blessing.

Wait for it. Still yourself. Stay.

—Jan Richardson

So for now I will stay still.

I will wait to see

what will fill my gaping heart.

I could never know it now.

But I must have faith.

Sending love to all of you

who are dropping off babies at school :)

I believe blessings lie ahead

when we keep trying

when things are hard.

Graham , happily at school

is a blessing.

I know Mike is as proud as I am

I will face my fear today like him

Bravely.

I will stay.

Lindsey