Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.
Earlier this week I wrote this long ,sad , and miserable kind of post . Actually everything I have written lately seems to have that tone. So I have kept it to myself.
I’ll just say the last few crappy weeks( literally and physically - new chemo and a toddler:) had brought Mike and I to a breaking point.
But Maybe I will share that on a more sad day. Today I want to share how when you finally break. It allows light back in.
We watched a new show - Modern love - not exactly Mike’s genre but nothing has been normal lately so nothing surprises me at this point.
The quote at the end of the show was this,
“ Tomorrow is a brand -new day that has not been touched “
I guess it was God’s grace , because something has seemed to click for both of us.
Now…that was two days ago , but we applaud ourselves for two better days with better attitudes toward life and our children 😬
Yesterday marked three years since Mike was given a chance with brand- new untouched stem cells (ok probably slightly touched ).
A brand-new untouched journey.
We were able to celebrate another year lived with family and we are so grateful. Jake and Celia worked hard on a cake that they were so proud of. Graham spilled the m&ms all over the floor. He and Pearl spent their time eating them off the floor.
The cake was a great representation of our days. So very messy , slightly disastrous, full of cracks and crumbs and on the verge of collapsing at any second. However made with enough love to fill all the cracks and make any mess look pretty. Or that was probably the grace from the large amounts of icing and m&ms😜
As hard as the years have been, Gods grace and love is the light that shines through the cracks and scars. It is what we continue to fight for. We hold on tight to the many miracles that keep our faith alive , instead of the painful messes each day.
We have learned perspective if nothing else.
Go throw the football with your little guy.Go teach you daughter to ride a bike. Go for a run. Or a walk.
Carry them when they are too heavy and you are too exhausted.
Don’t wait for tomorrow when you can’t physically do it. These are the simple things Mike wishes he could do with ease , not tire from , or even be able to do at all.
We take life, this amazing gift , for granted on a daily basis.
And it’s not until it’s dangling in front of you , the way Jake dangled the last pink sprinkled leftover donut Monday morning in front of graham and Celia. And then took a bite. 😩
The tears and frustrations that followed the donut debacle felt a little (obviously on a slightly different scale ) like what cancer did to us three and a half years ago.
A little over three years ago we sat in a room and decided to take a chance on life with an extremely risky bone marrow transplant.
This was no broken arm , that would be fixed with surgery. We realized our reality that day. He went into transplant with active disease making it even riskier.
We were told - this could give you three years but hopefully more.
The news was presented to us in the most hopeful way , as it always is.
But cancer sucks really bad and there is a reality to it that is gut wrenching.
I share the story not to make you sad, but because that day has left Mike and I with a deep appreciation for each other even as bad as things get and as frustrated we become with each other.
This perspective makes forgiveness come so much sooner.
We also bit the last donut three years ago and took a Chance on three years of life instead of melting on the floor with the alternative.
We left the room and went to get Burgers and a beer for lunch. We cheersed to defying all the odds for years to come.
We thanked God for doctors , nurses , and an army that believed in us. That believes in Mike. We knew we could do it.
The thought of life being taken away from the person you love more than anything will make you take any risk on love. It will
Make you reach out with a death grip ( no pun intended) and snatch that donut like Graham did .
Mike has been fighting the fight and gripping for his life ,for me ( and our kids ,family ,friends and doctors too :)with all he has.
And three years later , we have been given 1095 brand new untouched days.
We made it , we said last night.
We made it the 3 years.
Knowing our reality because so many of our closest friends were not gifted this amount of time.
We don’t take it lightly or for granted.
We know that to wake up breathing to another untouched day is a gift from God.
Not every single day has been joyful ( ask our family , especially last week 🤪). And some days breathing feels like all we can do well! Well dang , Mike is struggling with that too 😆
But every single one has been worth it.
And every single one was filled with love.
Painful and joyful love.
So here’s to many many
more brand- new days together.
Many more new untouched days to defy the odds.
I pray so hard that it adds up to a lifetime of years full of deep love to share with you , my fightlikemike. You who will always have “ whatever it is “!
But with whatever time God allows us , the last 1095 now touched and miraculous days - have been the best three years of my life.
I pray for many joyful and painful , love filled brand-new untouched days for you too.
We are so grateful for Mike’s Doctors and nurses who have believed in Mike and given us the gift of time. What more could you ask for in this life.
One more thing....
We also have brand -new untouched 👏Share love sweatshirts that would make great holiday gifts.
Have a great weekend.
3yrs ago :)