Fight Like Mike Monday

August 2, 2020

Dear Snookems,

The kids and I have been on the road this summer. More than any summer since you got sick.

It actually makes me feel sick sometimes thinking about that.

How it feels like I am doing things without you. Almost like ,

we are free to do things now that Leukemia kept us from doing.

It makes me sad.

Guilt in moving forward without you.

But mostly just a missing you so bad ,

that you aren’t here experiencing these trips with us.

And a true missing of the journey of me and you.

The journey of getting you better.

The journey of hope.

Hope in the next scan.

The next treatment.

Hope in just something better.

For you.

I have witnessed the most unbelievable sunrises and sunsets from the beach shore.

And each one is healing and I am grateful.

I am finding you in the sky.

I think you sent me one song while I was at the beach

and I hoped the words were straight from you.

I do believe you are trying tell me you are with me ,

even if I am having a hard time believing it.

This song came on the pandora.

“ when I look to the sky “by Train

“When it rains it pours and opens doors

And floods the floors we thought would always keep us safe and dry

And in the midst of sailing ships we sink our lips into the ones we love

That have to say goodbye

And as I float along this ocean

I can feel you like a notion that won't seem to let me go

'Cause when I look to the sky something tells me you're here with me

And you make everything alright

And when I feel like I'm lost something tells me you're here with me

And I can always find my way when you are here”

I am finding some part of you

with me when I look to the sky.

Whether the crescent moon , the clouds , the sunset.

It feels like some piece of you.

Is it you ?

In a time where the world whole world feels like it is hurting ,

I do not take my gift of being able to heal by the sea

and these sunrises for granted.

One particular sunrise last week

looked like the sky was literally on fire.

and there could not have been a more accurate picture of my insides .

Sometime they feel like they are burning.

On fire.

I have never seen anything like that sky.

It was the morning after we lost our friend Ramón to leukemia as well.

Drew( his wife) and I have become soul sisters we say ,

I think mostly through our shared love for the unbelievable skies

witnessed from the 9th floor of Emory

But also from the vulnerability leukemia and that floor brings.

She has sent me daily pictures of the sunsets these last months of missing you ,

while sitting vigil with the love of her life.

But leukemia stole his life too

and this caused my insides to boil again.

and I woke up angry the first morning at the beach.

I feel you must have felt it too because the brilliant ,

burning sky you sent me ,

gave me strength knowing you can feel me too.

I won’t give up on this fight for a cure.

This cure of love.

You reminded me in the sky

that the anger is ok

as long as it fuels me in a positive way

to keep Sharing your love .